so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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