Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
