After last night, I could never be a politician.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize