I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize