but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
