You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
