please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
