It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
