Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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