He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
