Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
