I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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