Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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