So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
