It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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