Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
