he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
