Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
