You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
