I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
