Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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