apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
