something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
