i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
