How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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