you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
