I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
