We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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