Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
