we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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