this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
