You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
