Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
