what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
