Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
