He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
