you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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