So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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