He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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