worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So vagazzling was a success
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
