Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
