the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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