When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
