were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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