I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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