you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
