totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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