Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize