The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
