Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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