i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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