I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
