I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Randomize
