kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
