ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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