dude i'm inner monologue high
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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