I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
