I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
