I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
