let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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