This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
