We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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