im drinking this country out of the recession.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
