Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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