I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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