Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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