She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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