I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
