You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
