I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
